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On June 22, 2022, I had a fierce quarrel with my husband. Who was right and who was wrong?

      I had a fierce quarrel with my husband at night , I wanted to share with him my son's summer vacation arrangements , But he kept talking about his educational philosophy , It seems that everything others do is wrong , It is wrong for a classmate's mother to apply for mental abacus calculation , It is not necessary to learn pinyin , It is superfluous for me to teach my children to read , There is no necessary connection between reading and reading . He repeatedly emphasized his educational philosophy , To see the essence of Education , It seems that I am the one who is particularly susceptible to other mothers , Then crazy anxiety Crazy Chicken baby's wall grass mother , I feel that he is constantly brainwashing me , I am more and more repellent and disgusted .

        My husband always emphasizes that , He is merely expressing or presenting his views and opinions , But from his attitude 、 In the tone , I obviously feel his disdain and contempt . I feel more and more aggrieved , He could not see my efforts in the process of accompanying my son , Think this is useless , That's no use , But he himself stood talking without backache , Working in a different place also pointed fingers at me .

        Last , I have to emphasize and explain my educational philosophy , To show that I have my own independent thinking and judgment , Instead of following the crowd : Don't fall behind the last grade 10% And forced to drop out , This is the bottom line. . Keep up with your handwriting , Reading should be strengthened . And express that I am very dissatisfied with his denial of me , want Let him thank me ( In fact, this is just because I was hurt by his denial before , Want to save face ), But he said “ We are asking for credit ”. I asked him :“ We ” It means who , He told me : I am the same as my mother , All love to ask for credit , Hear here , My anger ignited immediately .

      He seems to be talking about me , Then he pointed at my mother , She lumped me in with my mother , Together we despise , It makes me feel unbearable ,“ Credit for ” This word means that subordinates invite credit to their leaders , Want to be recognized and valued by the leaders . It makes me feel obviously , Our relationship is not equal . I asked him to take it back . He thought I was right , That's why I got angry and slandered . I told him , Even this rule , Even if I was right , I also asked him to take it back . And for example , If the child of a divorced family is said , You are the one “ There is a father but no mother ”, Even if this is true , Does he have the right to ask the other party to take back this sentence ? Hear the example I gave , He said that if so, he would take it back . then , I am inexplicably moved , Shed tears , He doesn't believe much in , I told him , My cell phone is always on hands-free , Mother is hanging clothes by the side , If you don't believe me, ask her . He got angry at this , That our husband and wife quarreled and turned on hands-free . I am also angry , We were communicating normally , It was he who first said that my mother and I were asking for credit , He pointed the spear at his mother , The result also blames me for turning on hands-free , We all hung up angrily .

        If two people quarrel openly , What can't be heard by parents ? He was so angry when he heard me turn on the handsfree , It shows that he is guilty , He knew he had said something he shouldn't have said 、 If you don't respect your parents . I told him , My parents only have me to say , You can't say . I don't like him to speak of my parents in a scornful and contemptuous manner . Even if I complained a lot about my parents in front of him , I don't like him to look at my parents with such an attitude , It seems that I have been looked down upon by the way .

      He said that I like to ask for credit as much as my mother , In his mind , He always talks to me in a high self low relationship , I always feel that I am his subordinate , I should have listened to him . I especially don't like this feeling .

      It also aroused my inferiority complex towards my native family , such as , His father always said that my mother was very rustic , Form and style are not on the table . Their chain of disdain made me very angry , Their family comes from a peasant family , I was poor when I married , But now the economic conditions have improved , Why do you look down upon others like a dog . My father and my mother do have a lot of character flaws , But I don't think they are qualified to judge my parents wantonly .

      My husband always emphasizes that this is his point of view , His ideas , His opinion , Why should I always want him to change his mind . Every time he said that, I was very angry , But it seems that I feel guilty , It's hard , He said such embarrassing things clearly , But still so righteous .

      He said I always put people and things together , What he said was a matter , I felt that he was saying that I was a bad person . One side , It's the inferiority complex and sadness in my heart , His words would immediately touch my sensitive and fragile self-esteem , I think he's saying I'm not good . On the other hand , His tone , His attitude , His words , His expression , It will make people feel that he is not expressing something objectively and fairly , But with their own very strong subjective assumptions , With a very strong emotion and attitude . Such expression will make people feel that he has a strong evaluation , Yes ! It is this kind of evaluation that makes people uncomfortable ! He is evaluating a thing with a strong emotion , Instead of objectively describing a thing . therefore , It will also make people unconsciously arouse disgust and exclusion , He even felt that he was accusing someone , Instead of saying one thing .

        All in all , This quarrel made me see my heart clearly again Sensitive and fragile inferiority complex , Where is the point where I can easily explode , Is looked down upon , Feeling undervalued 、 Be looked down upon , inferior , Don't like being denied by others .

      meanwhile , Let me recognize one of my thinking limitations : Don't associate what others say about a thing with what they say about me . When a person is expressing his dissatisfaction and disdain for what I have done , What he expressed was his attitude towards the matter , Not me “ people ”. If I consciously connect people and things , I will have a strong sense of self denial , The feeling of being attacked .

      in addition , I also saw my husband , He does often state his views on a matter , With their own strong emotions and subjective judgments , It's really uncomfortable .

It's not easy !

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