I've been thinking about this letter for a long time , But I don't want to write it in the form of a letter , It's more like a simple title . I think about this article. I want to talk with my father about our story , On second thought, it seems that there is no special story between us , We are like the most common father son relationship among thousands of beings .
Last year , I put all my focus on reading , I want to make up for the past year . All the writing work stopped , Novels and articles are stagnant . In the new year, I have two articles that I want to finish. One is about myself , The other is about my father , In the new year, I was supposed to finish the article about myself first , After thinking about it, I decided to take this article as the first article in the new year . This article is about my father .
My father is the opposite of me in my eyes , My father is a very sociable person . Because of this advantage, my father is more comfortable in society , My father also has many friends , No matter what aspect, father can know more or less a few acquaintances . And I hated dealing with people when I was a kid , Of course, I'm not the extreme type , I just don't want to expand my circle , Friends or those are enough .
When I was young, my father was busy in my eyes , My father is busy all day . A long business trip , When I was a child, I always stayed at my grandparents' house . So the past home is strange to me , It's also comfortable , Because for a long time I had conflicts with my grandfather , As long as my father comes back, I will follow him back to our own home , It's as if I feel really at home . When my father comes back from other places, he always brings gifts for my sister and me , I remember I received a toy gun , My sister received a plush toy from a bear . I've forgotten how I felt when I received the gift , I just vaguely remember that the toy gun didn't break me very long , And my sister's bear is still intact , It made me feel sad .
The story of my father and I have no impression of specific events , If there is one thing I still remember , It's also my motivation to write this article . My father used to be a factory worker , Life is hard and work is hard . The working environment of the workers kept his father's waist in pain , On and off, I haven't seen any improvement . At that time, my parents' feelings seemed to have reached the limit , There are signs of divorce , Of course, these are all afterwords . My father wanted to change the situation , But life seems to be so unsatisfactory . I was young that day , I don't know why I quarreled with my grandfather again , At that time, I may be very naughty , Of course, later I still quarreled with my grandfather, but the later quarrels came from rebellion and hostility . Why did you fight that day ？ I don't know why , It's too far away . Unexpectedly, my father didn't scold me that day , It took me out of the house . In the dark corridor , Put me in the window between the two floors , The corridor lights of our place have not been better since I had the impression , It's surrounded by a square like a box , There's no light out there . So the corridor is very dark , My father hasn't taken off his work clothes yet , There's a very bad chemical smell , I don't know if it comes from iron or something . There is a wide place on the sill of that window , But it's very dirty. It's full of dead flies and insects , My father found a newspaper from somewhere and spread it on the windowsill , Put me on it .
Then my father cried , I didn't see my father , But I heard the cry . I was surprised and then became quiet , In my eyes, I have never seen my father shed tears in all these years . In the dark corridor that day, I heard my father cry for the first time , I don't remember what my father said to me at that time , As a young man, I still can't understand the meaning of crying . But the scene is intact in my mind ,20 Years passed , I can still remember that scene , Very real . Sometimes I wonder if it really happened ？ Think about the details carefully to make the story complete and true . I remember my father's cry for half my life , When a father tears in front of his child, it's a painful process , If I were a father, I would not choose to cry in front of my own children .
So why did the father lose control at that time ？ In my eyes, my father has always been a tearful character . I think about it now , The pressure on my father was not something that ordinary people could bear , My father may only get five or six hundred dollars a month in front of the workers . I'm confused about my career , The future is slim , I'm at the freezing point of divorce again . At the same time, there is a son of five or six years old who often conflicts with his parents , Father didn't know what to do . It happened that my father wanted to change my educational environment , I hope the whole family can get rid of this small town . The burden on my father's shoulders is too heavy , I'm afraid no one can easily cross this barrier . My father's cry became the first story between me and my father , And the heaviest story , When a man tears in front of his family, I think he is really tired . It's not like a simple parent child relationship between father and son , I don't know what to talk to my father about , I don't know how to speak . So this story is always in my heart , The scene of that night has been echoing in my mind . It was that scene that broke my understanding of my father's image , My father has always been a man of perseverance , He can hold the pressure and keep going at any moment . Only that day did I know that my father was fragile , Just like us, we need company and talk , When my son wants to create a better environment but is helpless in life itself, I don't think anyone can understate it .
When I went to school, I didn't understand why Zhu Ziqing 《 Back 》 It's an excellent article about fatherhood , Later I realized that the relationship between father and son is never direct , It's not just family love, it's also a choice between two men when they are faced with problems . My father and I are better than most of them , But there is always a sense of distance between them , My father didn't know what to say, but I didn't know how to say it , So I'm going to write this down , Words used to be a bridge between me and my grandfather , That can be done with my father .
Once upon a time 14 I didn't say a word to my father in the past 20 years , When Dong Qing asked this question , The Mais refused . There were tears in his eyes , I know that the Mai family is full of remorse , But when neither of them chose to give way , This has become a lifelong regret . Li Zongsheng is also in his own 《 New old songs 》 It's written in the lyrics ：“ Two men just look alike all their lives , The lucky can become a confidant, and the unfortunate can only be a and B .” When I first heard this song , The first time I thought about the relationship between our father and son , He is neither a confidant nor a-b. he is just the most common father and son . Li Zongsheng didn't put these down until he was old , Reconciliation with my father for the first time , It's just a pity that my father has already disappeared , I didn't think of reconciliation at that time , Because I know I will regret it at that time .
In the past few years, my father and I have less and less communication , A while ago, I went to the northeast and stayed with my father for nearly a month , My father always said that I would write articles when I went back . But I didn't have too many thoughts about this trip , On the contrary, I understand many things from my contact with my father . I really hate when my father drinks , Every time I come home from a drink, it's a miserable scene , What's more, my father always makes a lot of jokes after he drinks too much . So I especially dislike my father drinking , Although I had drunk a lot of time, I was seen by my father when I came home , But my mind is clear , It doesn't make a joke . This trip to the Northeast , Drinking with my father many times , I found that my father's drinking capacity was very poor . It's a normal category for me , For the father, it's beyond the range of the body , The turning point of my father's life is to jump out of the post of worker , After jumping out, we are faced with a lot of social intercourse and dinner . My father may not be so aggressive as to drink , Maybe just to survive .
At the end of the trip to the Northeast , It's supposed to be the perfect journey , It's a pity that everything is not perfect . When I was preparing to go to the northeast, I set some rules for myself , Never talk too often. Try to be a listener , Never be emotional. Control your emotions . During the whole trip to Northeast China, I should have done a good job , But something went wrong when I came back , My father's words on the plane back made me very unhappy , I didn't expect that emotion soon occupied reason . It broke out when I got off the plane , I had a fight with my father , In fact, I knew in my heart that my father's original intention was just a joke , But in my eyes, this joke has become the most serious “ insult ”. But when I speak out of control , I immediately regretted it in my heart . Regret to go before the advice has lost effect , Regret being influenced by emotion again , I regret my deep understanding “ Three winters are warm , Harsh words hurt in June ” The truth . But only when we are two men, I don't want to bow my head first , So I'm writing it down here , Let words replace my voice .
My father was full of guilt for me , And I'm also full of guilt for my father . The teacher is very strict in his student career , Especially our head teacher , He is not only a head teacher but also an English teacher . English is my weakest project , So I was beaten every day for three years in junior high school , Constantly being called to the office , Constantly being beaten . But every time I was beaten, I didn't cry , But with one exception . That time, the head teacher called me to the office , I think it's another inevitable beating , That time, the teacher did not hit me , They didn't scold me, they just told me the truth . It doesn't work for me at all , But the teacher's words completely defeated the defense line in my heart . I was a single parent family, living with my grandparents , And my father struggled to make a comeback for the family , Your grades are not good, you have to love your father , How hard it is for him . The teacher's simple words, I can't hold on , Tears fall down like crazy , I didn't adjust until I came back to the classroom . When I got back to class , The students were very surprised , They kept asking me what happened in my office , I can't say a word , In their mind, I must have been beaten up in the office .
When I write about it, I have finished my story with my father ！
I hope my father can smoke less in the future 、 No drinking 、 How to read ！